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From Meredith Busher, Director, Omaha Yoga School
“There’s something sacred about a beginning.” Similar words uttered by Vyasa at the beginning of Peter Brook’s play, The Mahabharata resonate with me when I reflect back on my first year as a student at the Omaha Yoga School. While I had been taking yoga classes at various studios around the country since 1996, it wasn’t until I found this very special place that I felt as though I had finally found yoga as it was intended. It was a new beginning, like starting all over. But this time it was right, not because someone told me it was, but because I could feel its Truth. This was a yoga that I could relate to even though thousands of years and a continent separate me from the wise men that developed it in India. I could relate because the genius of yoga is that it speaks to the human condition so masterfully and precisely that it is as relevant now as it was then. At the core, people really haven’t changed at all.
My previous experiences with various interpretations of yoga in New York, San Francisco and Boston had left me feeling empty as students jockeyed for position at the start of class to find a spot for their mat. Classes of 15-30 people were the norm and we all did our best to mimic the teacher’s poses, using the mirrors in front of us to tell us where our bodies were and whether or not we had gotten it right. We developed no internal sense of alignment. There was no sensing the pose from the inside. There was no Silence in my body, mind, or breath. What there was, was a lot of comparing myself to others and a lot of physical and mental strain as I strove to perfect my poses. In short, there was a lot of ego. Despite my ego, there was still a very steady and consistent voice inside me that told me to keep searching, that there was more to yoga than this. I found what I had been searching for in the classical yoga tradition taught at the Omaha Yoga School.
While the euphoria of this discovery has never really worn off, it has rarely ever been easy. After only a few short months of classes I was taking a deep look within, examining my mind and my actions in a way I never had before. I found myself becoming unexpectedly emotional, even crying occasionally in class as I peeled back layers of defenses built up over the years. I spoke from my heart, as I felt there was no alternative in this environment where the authenticity of students and teacher was apparent and the Truth of this wise tradition was palpable. Some of my tears were simply the result of profound relief at having found what I had been looking for so long, like coming home after a decade-long journey. Yet other tears were a result of what I found when I looked so long and hard inside. I had always considered myself a good and compassionate person, but I was drained and tired, with little energy for others’ needs anymore. I began realizing through this introspection that by being attached to the outcome of my actions, I was not acting as selflessly as I once thought I was. I wasn’t being as truthful with myself and others as I could be and I was certainly doing my fair share of harming to both myself and others, as well as the environment.
Yoga was teaching me to look past my ego telling me I was a decent person, struggling and doing the best I could, to see that there was something much greater inside of me. That light within, the true Self, we come to discover is everything our ordinary existence is not. It is Silence, free from the fluctuating chaos of the ordinary mind. From that Silence of the Self comes immense power, an infinite capacity for love and compassion. As I began to understand and experience this for myself through meditation and class discussions, I was first excited by the possibilities, and then exhausted by the responsibility I now had to begin changing my actions. Yoga had begun to increase my awareness and slowly change the way I viewed myself, others, and the world around me. For the first time I was seeing things as they really were, rather than distorted through eyes clouded by habit, expectation, desire, or any of the other guises ego can take.
It was at this time, face to face with Truth, that I started missing classes. Sometimes as early as the day prior to class, my mind would start conjuring all sorts of reasons why I couldn’t make it there. Too busy, too tired, don’t want to read out loud (“I’m not good at reading out loud”), don’t want to comment during discussion, (“I don’t have anything profound to say”), my cat’s sick, the basement’s flooded, my big toe hurts. Enough! What was really going on here? The truth is I didn’t want to deal with what I was finding as I peeled back layers of ego and years worth of defenses. I had committed myself to being “open” when I began my studies and practice at the school, and it delivered far more than I bargained for. I was also terrified of my potential. Now that I knew there was something greater and infinitely more powerful beneath all these layers of habit, fear and excuses, how could I turn away, pretend I didn’t know and continue leading my life in the same way I had been?
I was faced with what I saw as two clear choices. I could continue on my path of yoga and begin making changes in my thoughts and behavior to reflect the Truth I now knew, or, I could turn away from what I had experienced and live a lie. I know from personal experience and from witnessing it in others, living a lie is a recipe for madness. While there is always a choice, in my heart, it was never really a choice. I could feel what was right and despite the difficulties, I was going with it. I’m still going with it.
My life has been irreversibly changed for the better because of the wisdom of this ancient tradition. My new perspective affects every one of my thoughts, words and actions. This doesn’t mean that I’m not still capable of doing harm to others or myself, or the environment. It doesn’t mean that I’m not still capable of being dishonest or letting my ego get the best of me. But I know now that I always have a choice in how I will act or react…and I know that true goodness and selfless compassion are possible. We all have the capacity and potential for these ideals because we all have this light within us. It has always and will always be there. It is only with this awareness that real change can happen.
Best wishes on your own journey.
Meredith Busher
Omaha Yoga School
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